Muted Reflections

I've gone through two job changes since my last update, no joke. That's how long it's been.

Birthdays are always a good time for me to reflect on the past year. It's like a checkpoint for me to look back and make changes where necessary and I must say, there is quite a bit that needs to be done. Always a work in progress.

I feel that I've been quite caught up in the race since the end of last year, what with a new job (which is now a previous job lol) and all the shebang of moving to the big city. Things have changed since and the dust is settling quite a bit, if not completely settled. The pace has become much more stable and steady now that I'm back home; and I think I'm starting to get a hang of things in the "new" environment.

This October somewhat marks a new beginning, as it always does for me. Sorry for this vague post out of no where. Not sure if anyone's even listening still, but I just felt the need to have this conversation with no one.

♥

Bangkok On A Whim

Somewhere in mid-September, I decided that life was getting a bit too much for me to bear. As I was driving to work one morning, I thought to myself - I need another holiday.

I'm not one for running away from my problems. I'd like to think that I'm the type of person who handles and manages stress quite well.. but things got kinda overwhelming and I, as usual, was yearning for a getaway. But my favourite travel companion; my boyfriend was bogged down with a lot of work. I know I would go insane if I didn't get out of this place and instead of just waiting and wishing, I booked flight tickets for one to Bangkok and an Airbnb apartment for the following week, and called it a day.

Remember in this post I mentioned that the time spent by myself was one of the best time of my life? I love the freedom and exhilarating experience of walking in a foreign country on my own, listening to conversations I don't understand and deciding (or not) when and what to eat.

It was my second time in Bangkok this year, third in total. The places I went were new yet held a hint of familiarity. Though a short trip, it was needed for me to isolate myself from life back home and recharge. I didn't take that many photos - I made it a point not to be on my phone so much. Those with a timestamp are taken on "film".

I like how these photos evoke a sense of loneliness but believe me, I was anything but that. I know it's not hardcore backpacking across the country for a month but it's still some much-needed 'me time' away from it all to think, to reflect. And in case you're wondering, yes I am proud of the fact that I can drop everything behind for a while and travel somewhere on my own on a whim.

Instead of always harping on it, just do. Just go. Sometimes, you just gotta put yourself first.

♥

Hello, for the nth time

It's been a little over a year since my last post. I've once again abandoned my blog (are blogs still relevant?) and again, harboured thoughts about reviving it. I have a few drafted posts that I never got around to publish and the top of that list is my graduation. Yes, after five long years, I finally graduated.. last year.

And I just came back from Paris. Yes, a lot of things went on without being documented here. I will get around to it.

Promise.

♥

Reset

Not even a month into 2016 and I'm already requesting for a reset. Seems like it was just yesterday that I tried to set my priorities straight but now I am feeling a slight loss in direction. Where to next? I am not only talking about the next lunch spot but where I should head to as a person.

When you're no longer sure, it is difficult to look beyond the smokescreen that is your comfort zone and take a leap of faith. What if it's not worth it? What if the jump leads to worse things? How do I do it? These questions plague my mind.

I wonder how it used to be so easy for me to take a step back and just.. reset. Now I am left wondering how and where to start.

We'll see.

♥

2016

KL | wrapped up 2015 wrapped in his arms

Hands down the most memorable thing about 2015 has got to be the surgery I underwent and the 1-month medical leave I had to take to recuperate after that. Especially when it happened on my birthday and the celebration was very much muted. That not only gave me time to think and reflect but it also reminded me to be thankful for everything surrounding me. The people, the things I have, the people and things I still have. For 3 years in a row, I have been bogged by health problems and I have to do something about it rather than just talking about it.

Still on the topic of appreciating what I have and what I don’t, 2015 was also the year we lost our beloved friend and pet Roxy. For more than 10 years, she has been more than a friend to us, always being there for us. Her departure was really difficult for us to accept but I pray that she’s in doggy heaven filled with treats and without a trace of worry in the world.

On to more positive things, l would think I didn’t do shabbily last year. High on the list was finally visiting Bangkok (after talking about it so much). Definitely need to go for another trip there again this year heh heh. Also visited Medan and then Jogjakarta, in Indonesia, which the latter was for work recently. Spontaneously went to Cameron Highlands on a broken radiator, which was also a first (the place, not the radiator situation).

For school, I'm glad I got my dissertation out of the way. I still have several subjects I have yet to take so the goal of completing everything in 2015 has to be brought forward to this year. Let's just get it over and done with once and for all, shall we?

As for work, I feel that I poured in enough to feel the toll on my body. However, nothing shopping sessions a shopping session on my year-end bonus can’t fix hahaha, much to my bf’s dismay (read: countless trips to Sephora even though my make up skills suck balls).

I have always believed in setting realistic and achievable goals for myself to accomplish so for 2016, I hope:

+ to be more productive and write in my new daily planner everyday and accomplish the to-do lists listed.

+ to be more committed and disciplined in everything I do. This applies to work, studies, taking care of my health or even on something as simple as filling in my 2016 planner.

+ ya’ll know travelling will always be a part of my goals: Taiwan or Mount Bromo, Indonesia maybe and probably back to Ho Chi Minh and/or Bangkok.

+ to save more money because dude I want to buy a new car. Oh, and save for the biggest commitment in my life.

+ spiritually, to constantly remind myself to be more appreciative, grounded, and that nothing is permanent. And to live in the moment.

+ ultimately, to love myself more and not be so hard on myself. Go out and live, enjoy and let things go. I deserve every bit of it. And take short vacuums as usual from time-to-time.

Totally sound like I'm cheerleading for myself but don't we all just need to be our own biggest fan? May 2016 be a better and safer year for everyone. Don't let it kick our asses, alright?

♥

Mossy Cameron

green terrains of tea | more tea plantations | first Boh stop | always behind you, never far :) | Sungai Palas glass teahouse | brunch | smart boy is smart | tea and scones for every meal | making our way up | mossy trail | towering trees | must we leave? | with our new Canadian friend Jenna

If you've never driven up to Cameron Highlands on a broken car radiator, your argument is invalid.

Back then, my car tends to overheat because of what we assumed was a leaking radiator. So I was used to refilling the radiator every morning before heading out. Despite that, we decided to wing it and drive from JB to Cameron Highlands for a getaway. Guess what? The car overheated three or four times on the way up. Major claps to ourselves. Thank god it didn't overheat until we were almost at the top where the weather was already cool and it wasn't too frustrating. We made it up there and returned to lower ground with a few stops to refill the car before going to Ipoh to finally fix the damn radiator (that's a story for another day).

Our initial plan for Cameron was to head up to Mossy Forest but with a heavy heart we had to let it go cos no way are we gonna make it up there with a damaged radiator right? The day before we left Cameron, we had brunch at the Sungai Palas tea house because I wanted to see the glass teahouse. As we left, we passed by a signboard that says "Mossy Forest --->>>>" and we turned and gave each other the "are you crazy or not? smile" and without saying anything, he made a u-turn. Two stops and refills later, we were there! No one else was around as we made our way into the forest because it was about to rain. Grey skies hovering above, threading the damp and mossy trail, the air was crisp.. what's not to love? Alas, we had to quickly leave the forest as it began to rain and met a backpacker (legit backpacker from Canada not the twt_backpacker type lul) who was somewhat lost so we gave her a lift down. But not before stopping for some fresh strawberries with cream!

Spontaneous with snippets of memorable moments, as usual. He had work to do when we were up there but we still made the best out of it. More soon? :)

♥

Homesick Alien

Hotel Fort Canning, Singapore

"The breath of the morning
I keep forgetting
The smell of the warm summer air

I live in a town
Where you can't smell a thing
You watch your feet
For cracks in the pavement..."

, sings Thom Yorke.

Currently homebound for a month. Right now I can only reminisce the days of frolicking in the sunset, going places, eating whatever I like, holding his hand.

♥

II VI

Another year has gone by.

No cakes,
no presents,
no blowing the candles at midnight,
no countdown.

Another year has gone by.

More than ever, I wish for health. This year, more than ever.

Happy Birthday, dear heart.


♥

Medan 1.0 - Water Baby

1^st- 4^th picture: views of lake toba | sipiso-piso, which literally means ‘like knives’ | sign says no shortcuts but we say fuck it | mid way down with adit | Beny said like knives, the waterfall will peel the skin off your back if you stand directly under it | view from the top is too mainstream (geddit? lol) | gushing waters | wet and happy | climbed to the highest rock at the bottom and felt the cool splashes of water from the waterfall on my entire body | all was forgotten at the sight of this | greeted by an unexpected friendly face called Beny who served us hot coffee and sang us songs | and these two sang along | ‘til we meet again

I've always felt one with the water. One of my favourite things to watch is the ripples made by the slow, calm currents. The feeling when I'm near a large body of water is both relaxing and scary at the same time. You know how you look out into the ocean and feel slightly afraid that a sudden wave would come and wash you away - yet you feel somewhat relieved at the sight of the never-ending horizon? You are both anticipative and afraid of what's to come. That's just life in general isn't it? You are either welcoming it with open arms or you're scared of the unknown.

♥